At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You did what with his pubic hair?
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