if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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