I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Your penis caused this!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
