can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize