We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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