My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need moral support for this bender
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
