After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
