....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All the doctor said was why
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
