this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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