If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
