You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
