counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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