We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
