allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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