lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize