Plan B is the new Plan A
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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