This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my liver is dry heaving
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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