vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Shame is for Republicans.
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