I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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