Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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