you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
