I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
