in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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