you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
