i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
