If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
