So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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