I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
