??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
