Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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