is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
