i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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