He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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