I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
