I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
