??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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