Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
