i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
