this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
