Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Farmville is her only friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
