Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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