They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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