he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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