Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
