yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
