im drinking this country out of the recession.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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