How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
