Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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