I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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