There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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