I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
