I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
