That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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