Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Who died my cat blue again?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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