He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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