I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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