I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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