when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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