How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
