she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize