im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
