Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i think my cat just said my name.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
