From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
