Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
