I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
